Thoughts on Lech L’Cha

12 Kislev, 5774

It’s taken me a while to catch up with my ongoing thoughts for each week’s Torah study. School is partly to blame – some weeks I have to give more emphasis to those readings which are graded. Some weeks, though, I need to sit with the portion longer than others, not only intellectually and spiritually but emotionally processing it as well. 

“Lech L’cha” is one such parsha.

As I have written here before, coming out as a queer woman (in-transition) I have been questioned numerous times about my choices and actions with demands that I literally explain my Self. Why am I doing this? Who am I to be going against the (socially-constructed) dictates of biological essentialism? Where was my proof that I am who I say I am? 

At first I would earnestly attempt to answer these demands, not realizing that in the end I could offer no reasonable justification, for the speaker was merely projecting their own ignorance and intolerance. At the same time I internalized the message my interrogator implicitly delivered – that I was (being labeled as) abnormal, freakish, (socially) stigmatized and therefore (morally) deviant, and as such was not deserving of the most basic human rights or common courtesies (such as not having to justify who or why I was).

(And please please please do not comment with “But Ziva, just be who you are and don’t worry what other people say.” There is plenty of psychological and sociological research shows that platitude rarely if ever describes social reality. We negotiate many of our identities in accordance to the social, political, economic environments we inhabit, in addition to our biological structure...and this would include other people we encounter, whether in the form of inter-personal encounters, as cohorts, or even as members of aggregates. 

Please don’t misunderstand – I am not saying we should seek and rely solely on external validation to determine who we are. What I am saying is that those who advocate simply "being ourselves" and ignoring all others reveal a passing privilege that is unaware of itself.)

I have written here before how “Lech L’cha” – the idea of being drawn by that small yet powerful and insistent divine/Divine voice inside of us to go forth, whether to another land or  another career or to a new relationship, someone or something beyond the boundaries of our cherished comfort zones – touched me when I first read it. That was 3.5 years ago and my spirit and heart and soul still lurch and dance when I hear the passage. Indeed, when we discussed it in a recent Torah study I had to hold back big fat tears. (This was the second time I have had to do that since Rosh Hashanah 5774. Many around me have suggested I share those tears with my congregation. I am not sure I can do that yet, although it’s an exercise in trust I want to aspire to in this new Jewish year.)

So I end this particular blog post with this one thought:

The Women’s Commentary on The Torah highlights how the title of Debbie Friedman’s empowering,            reflective and haunting musical translation to this portion is actually the feminized command of the                  parsha’s title, the distinction being that instead of meaning “Go forth or “go forth for yourself”, L’chi              Lach translates as “Go forth…go forth to yourself” (82). 

Which, for me, is a beautiful and beautifully fitting interpretation.