Postcard from Elul, 5773

16, Elul, 5773 -

Welcome to the middle of Elul, that last month of the Jewish calendar, that runs right up to the shofar blast that announces the arrival of Rosh HaShanah and with it the Days of Awe, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Simchat Torah, 5774 and...well, everything!

More than a place marker on a calendar, Elul has become a meaningful time for me as a Jew. My first year at Temple Israel of Boston I was still in the process of converting and undergoing some serious life challenges. I was afraid I would not be able to celebrate the High Holy Days with the congregation I was now thinking of as my Temple Family. So I was completely taken by surprise when the Rabbi I was converting with came up to me in the quiet before Shabbat services and handed me an envelope with a ticket to HHD services. My eyes grow hot with tears.

The following Elul was my first post-mikvah and the HHDs took on special relevance and reverence. I surprised a good many people by choosing to go to the more traditional Yellow-ticket service as opposed to the Temple's widely-regarded eclectic Purple-ticket service. (This was also the year I had just started a new hormone regiment which completely waylaid me in the middle of Yom Kippur prayers and I got to spend the afternoon in the local Emergency Room. One of my Rabbis checked in to see if I was okay. One more reason to <3 my Temple.)

Last Elul (5772) found me wandering in the middle of some heavy emotional strife, or what one of my Rabbis called a "wilderness moment". It was a pretty frightening place for me to find myself in, especially being so unaccustomed to processing feelings. I was able to talk to some of my Rabbis in the days before Rosh HaShanah and glean enough insight and garner enough spiritual strength to take those doubts and fears with me into the HHD and Days of Awe.

This Elul has been less dramatic than some past seasons but no less meaningful. I have been filling up the pages of my Jewish diary with thoughts and reflections, fears and hopes, doubts and dreams. I have been focused on those sins which only I could claim and how to ask for forgiveness, especially from myself. Why is that always the hardest plea to ask for? I am not a fan of holding up the mirror to me and am always shocked at how badly I can treat myself. But I have come to think that before approaching anyone else I have wronged, I must start with that reflection in the mirror. Hillel the Elder had it right; go, Hillel!

Always looking to glean more understanding of the holiday, I have also been spending serious time with Beginning Anew: A Woman's Companion to The High Holy Days (ed., Gail Twersky Reimer and Judith A. Kates). This anthology offers some challenging perspectives on locating and listening to women's voices and perspectives from both within and without the traditional HHD Torah readings (e.g. - Sarah, Hagar, Hannah, The Akeda, etc.) I have been finding these stories problematic with complications and complexities that have left me unsettled as a feminist-minded member of the Tribe. Until now I have blamed my uneasiness on my status as a (relatively new) convert. This volume has revealed that I am not the only Jew who feels this way. In true Jewish tradition, these writings offer no easy solutions or any answers at all but instead provocative insights and dialogues that garnish further questions and impetus to delve deeper into the upcoming holiday. I couldn't recommend this book more!

Finally, as with every past Elul, I am enjoying the seasonal Rosh Hashanah music videos. These always leave me uplifted from the inside out and put a ridiculously joyful smile on my face. Below is a short list of some finds this season - please feel free to add to them!

So whether this month finds you deep within the pages of a journal, an anthology, listening to music or simply sinking your toes in the sands of your favorite beach, may these days of reflection and renewal lead you to the Gates of Rosh HaShanah. שנה טובה!‎

The Book of Good Life - The Maccabeats    
(Nope, don't know the song it's based on, but I always love The Maccabeats smooth sound...)

Erev Rosh HaShanah - Avigail Cohen
(Beautiful.)

Call Me Maybe Chana Tova - Agence Juive
(Why yes, it is in French. il pas une grosse affaire.)

Soul Bigger - The Rosh HaShana Song: Unique New York Productions

  

שנה טובה 5773!

It is daylight now, a cool autumnal Rosh Hashanah morning. The sun has just cleared the 

Boston skyline and found the blue sky blameless. Sigh - I am not quite as innocent but 

then, who is? The roommate is up, shaking off the Monday blues to get ready for work. 

Meanwhile I am happy to note all my professors have responded to my notice of absence 

from their classes today with "Happy New Year!"'s. It is still disorienting (although less so 

than in previous years) to me how the secular world goes on during Rosh Hashanah. Yet 

this year - 5773 - there is something else. From within the disorientation a sense 

of special divergence, a distinguishing difference, emerges. I am appreciating how this day, 

these Days of Awe, this Tishri, and this year of 5773, exists outside the norm. It imbues 

each moment with a profound and celebratory quality that I cannot quite define, nor am I 

sure I want to. I feel no need to analyze it more than that; I am at peace and joy just being 

in it.    


Goals: 

Embrace more question marks. (One of my rabbis is quoted as saying the question 

mark is the quintessential Jewish symbol. Couldn't agree more.) Keep feeling my feelings 

(rough one, that). Trust more. Love more. Read more Jewish texts - liturgical, Holocaust, 

philosophy, Israeli fiction and non-fiction. (Fun one, that. There are not enough hours in a 

day.) Learn and speak Hebrew, Biblical and modern. Get more present with and my 

congregation (another rough one, as I am socially awkward to a fault. And yet people keep 

asking me to sit with them. See Goal #1.) And, always, keep walking that narrow bridge...
                                                                   
                                                                          * * *

I do not know who you are, where you come from, what makes you laugh and cry or how 

you love. But may you be inscribed in The Book of Life and your new year be sweet...

Call Your Zeyde

Yes, I know it is a year old. But its joy has no expiration date...

Rosh Hashanah Rock via AISH

(Mitt Romney's people called. His Rosh Hashanah message is forthcoming...)